To be left

You have seen it many times. You have probably had it happen to you, hopefully not too many times. To be left. To be left when you don't want to be alone, or whenever the momment is the incorrect.

The other night I was watching the wrestling on tv, and you're thinking: "what! who the hell watches wrestling at this day and age?", I answer: "A looooot of people", then you reformulate the question: "what! who, in their right, educated mind watches wrestling at this day and age?", and I answer: "A looooot of people".

But that is not the "thing" I want to say. What I want to say is this:

Last Monday night I turned on the tv to watch my wrestling show. I happened to know before hand that one of the wrestlers was found dead on Sunday morning. And I knew there was going to be a mourning session at the begining of the show, as it is custom. But I am moved by people crying, I can't watch people crying, a lot of people crying, it's like an energy that sticks and makes you cry too, something like collective laughter.

Well, there is the heap of wrestlers all gathered, in their wrestling attires, no storylines, no rivalries, and from the women wrestlers (algunas atacás) to the the biggest guy wrestler were crying. People you would not expect. Or maybe you would (because I expected it from them) but you can't believe it. Big, muscle wrestlers can cry too. And I found myself shed tears too. And it was not the fact that Eddie Guerrero (the wrestler) died, because I didn't know him, it's the fact that he was a character, a very well rounded, cheerfull, and sometimes in pain, character, and just knowing that death comes to everyone, even characters, is what made me cry.

Also, hearing what the wrestlers had to say about Guerrero, hearing what they had lost, friend, husband, companionship, with him a lot of things were gone, not only his physical state, also his presence, his aura was gone. And for some reason I could relate. I have not lost someone close to me, I don't even want to think about it. My grandma died when I was in fifth grade I think, and I don't remember how I reacted. I know I didn't cry. I remember that. But when there was no more of her around, was when it hit me. When there was no more oatmeal in the mornings, or when I peeked into her room she wasn't taking her afternoon nap, and I could jump on the bed and wake her up with a start. I also lost my pet bird, it was sad seeing him not alive, after all he sang.

I also could relate to the wrestlers because in love, and in friendships there are also losses. If your greatest love leaves you, it just breaks you (of course if you still love him/her). If your greatest friend leaves you it leaves this huge emptyness. So that's why I also cried. Not only for Eddie Guerrero, but also because I knew how they felt and I knew how IT felt.

When I was younger I once asked my aunt why was she crying for a dead politician? It couldn't fit in my head, why would she, when he didn't anything for her, nor even knew her. She said: "Because I know how it feels to loose your parents". I didn't understand then. But life has that nagging way of retaking things from the past and reteach them in the present, to then be recalled in the future as a lesson learned.

One never fully knows somebody, but who cares if you fully know somebody, as long as they make you feel great, as long as they are true to you... Hopefully we won't get hurt. People will show you what they want to be, or what they want to become, characters are reflections of people; and when Goofy cries you cry because Goofy is always so goofy, and it's just sad to see him down.

We are so young after two decades of life, sometimes even after more (i don't know yet), we still have so much to learn. But oh, how wrong it feels to be left.

Joel.