New Year Hardships

Love is such and unrelenting thing. It tears. It rips. It gashes. It bursts. It heats. It freezes. It hurts. It soothes. But most of all, it happens. And sadly, sometimes (if not mosttimes) it stops being a verb.

Anne Rice and her new books on Christ's life

Some time ago I was at the bookstore on the shelves marked "R". Of course Anne Rice is one of the most prominent names there. But, right next to the eight-thousand books about Lestat and other vampires stood her newest novel: Christ the Lord: Out of Egypt. And I thought to myself, how ironic, that a writer who delved on the gothic-ly dark would write or would fictionalize or would factionalize the life of Jesus. I was close to buying the book, but I didn't. I didn't because I wanted to compare her old stuff with this one, and I realized that she has written too many books on vampires for me to read before reading Out of Egypt, still it keeps me intriged as to how she had done it. It intrigues me what has she taken out of the Bible and other materials to make this novel, and how the history, or what we think is history, is either retold and/or reinvented. I really do wonder. I really am curious. I shall not resist too long. It should, hopefully, be a delight to read.

Copyrights on: Hugeamungous and Hugeamongous

If you write the "actual" word: Hugeamongous on Google or Yahoo, as of November 20, 2007, you will find only 188 hits and 118 respectively. That's because I, and only I, made up this word two or three years ago

AND I have Copyrights! If anyone wants to use it, you HAVE to pay me, bitches.

anyway, as I was saying, the word came about at the Millenium Mall in Orlando, I don't quite remember why we were adjectivizing the mall, but we were (and by "We" I mean me and the other Joel, and no, not the one who is a figment of my imagination, nor the ones who are my second and third personality). He was saying that the mall was ginormous, giant and enormous; and I was like, "oh yeah, I can fuse words too: its huge, its humongous, Hugeamongous, bitch..." well, I didn't say bitch, I was just fictionalizing, gosh, you are all so sensitive, dang.... anyway, after I said Hugeamongous I thought to myself, I shall never forget where this word came up to be in my (personal) vocabulary at least.

That's how this famous and all-time-favorite post came to life: The Hugeamungous Link

On the net there is a variant: hugemongous, but it is not as awesome as hugeAmongous, the A makes aaaaaaaaaaaallll the difference, biAtches (i want to say that word today: bitches). Now, about that hugeamOngous / hugeamUngous difference... well, one is in American English, and the other is in British... bitches! HA!

Joel's Thoughts on Prescription Drugs

Isn't it capitalistically convenient that some prescription pills "treatments" are to be taken daily? And in the end, the so called "treatments" don't even cure you, they just ease your pains or prolong your life, to then get sick with somethin else and "treat" once more... Aren't there any other ways to treat patients other than taking a daily pill? Something, say, more natural, less invasive, with less side effects? I wonder if it is true that drug companies hold the cures to certain illnesses in order to keep the revenue they already get from their released drugs which, instead of healing, just keep the people alive enough to make them come back.

Have you noticed all the advertising for drugs that people don't really need? I mean, come on, how many people in the world cannot breath? I ask that because there is a new commercial on TV about some nasal thing that you shoot up your nose (DAILY!) to be able to breath. I'm sure that only a very small amount of population need this, but, since it is being advertised, everyone will want it. I'm not against TV advertising, at all, I just hate advertising of medicines. Public relations would argue that it is an easier way to give people information, and to give them a headstart over their physicians; but then, who is the doctor? The people, the advertising or the f-ing doctor?

You know what? No, I'm not against advertising of medicines... I'm against a particular kind of medicine being advertised: the ones that are supposed to be taken for prevention. Whatever. Don't take no pills to prevent an illness... but eat well and excersice ¡por Dios! Not only will the drugs make people sicker (on some random organ to which the drug is "side-affecting"), they will make people adicted to it... These preventive drugs have proliferated in recent years, because of the advertising and because of the fear in which people live. It is unethical to coarse perfectly healthy people into believing that they need a medicine (with side effects) to keep going, and to pay montly for it. Maybe I'm overreacting, and maybe you'd say: "Joel, well, most people wouldn't actually fall for it", but the less fortunate do, specially the elderly. Oh, because that's another issue: the health plan motherfuckers, bastards convince people into buying their horrid montly payment plans to then fuck you over when you go to the doctor or the pharmacy (but that's a subject for another day).

So again, maybe I'm overreacting (Joel, defender of the weak), or maybe not, maybe drug companies ARE keeping people sick. Think about it, I'm sure you have come to the same conclussion by now: it IS, as I said in the beginning, capitalistically convinient.

I wonder what they'll do when the cure for AIDS finally comes up (and other uncurable diseases)... Will they reveal it (like the rumor of the cure for cancers) or will they shut up to keep the sick buying the pill cocktails?

Growing

In March I attended to a book presentation with the guys from school. When it was all over we stayed to chat (and to drink the glorious wine!). Somehow the conversation swerved onto the subjects of mysticism and numerology and the author of the book, her name is Aurora, raised her voice from wherever she was and said: "I heard you talking about numerology". She then explained that she knew a little about it and then asked me for my date of birth, and I told her, and then she said: "in the next three years you are going to mature"... I am very impressionable, and I haven't forgotten her exact words, the exact moment, nor my reaction, and now, one week away from my day of birth, I think I can see what she was talking about.

Road Rage

It has only been 26 days since I got a car, and within the first two weeks I developed road rage. I found myself cursing at people for wrongdoings, and hurrying pedestrians to cross the street already, I've found myself screaming at people for stopping were there isnt supposed to be a stop, or going when theyre supposed to stop. I am also indignant of all the mothersuckers that cut in front of me, and am flabbergasted by the feats of unbelieavable manouvers people perfom just to get one car ahead...

I hate driving. But I love being early everywhere....

To be continued...

Sun Poisoning

A few years ago I went for a weekend to the beach far far away from where I lived. I wanted to get a tan (because I'm so frigging white!). All the good shade was taken when we arrived to the beach, so we had to settle to shade under a huge parasol and also brave the scorching sun. Someone said that Cabo Rojo is one of those beaches in which you can get burned easily. I didn't understand, was the beach closer to the sun? Or was there something in the water? So I just shrugged those comments off and laid on the sand with a towel over my face. I could feel the glorious heat caving into my skin, it actually felt good. I could feel tthe bright sun everywhere weighing down. I turned over and did my back too. I ignored random comments and/or advice: "you shouldn't bake for that long, Joel". And then, ten or fifteen minutes later of relaxed sunbaking (suntanning, whatever) I got up and went into the water. But then, afternoon came and the time to go back to the hostel. My skin started to tighten on the shoulders, arms, back and chest. By the time I went to take a shower to wash off the salt water I was blazing like a motherfucking bonfire. I couldn't move. The water from the shower was felt like a thousand fat needles. My skin was lobster red, and it was as hard as a lobster shell is. It smelled like roasted chicken, and if you touched it also felt like hardened roasted chicken skin. It was awful. Dreadful. Uber painful. The next day I started to get hugeamongous pustules which reminded me of when the Gremlims touched water. The pustules would break and bleed their puss and then burn because it was open skin. Waking up and getting up from bed was tedious, because the clothes gets stuck on these pustules and on the burnt skin in general... I had to peal it off, it felt as if I was grating myself. I went to the doctor and he prescribed: gatorade (for hydration), solarcaine and cold aloe vera... the rest was up to my skin and to my will to endure.... I swore not to let that happen again. That's why I'm still so frigging white!

Another sun poisoning story, didn't happen to me, but to one of my roommates in Orlando. It was the third or forth week there in the new appartment, when we realized that he had been gone for a couple of days. Until one night there is a knock on the door (maybe I'm fictionalizing this) and there he was, red-skinned and miserable. (Actually, we roommates got back from work and found him lying almost dead on the bed with his face all red, but the door scenes sounded more fascinating). So we found him on the bed, and he slowly took his covers off and we saw his chest, which was super white before, was like a lighted piece of coal. His legs were so burnt that he couldn't set his foot on the floor in the proper manner. It was painful to see. He could barely walk. And because he was so thin, he looked very very ill. We helped him though, we were good roommates. A week later he was almost back into his own skin and goofing around all over.

So, why am I telling these stories? Well, because I saw THIS Family guy episode:

You're haunting this house with your whiteness, Brian.

A thought on friendship

The following quote stuck with me for some time, but it got lost in the heaps of books in my room. Luckily I wrote it down on a piece of paper I found while cleaning up and organizing. It is from the book Diablo Guardián, of Xavier Velasco, which, by the way, I tried to read but I didn't like it.

"La amistad no es sino la prolongación de un mismo entonces".

"Friendship is but to prolong the same one moment".

It struck me as something amazing to say. But it also makes me wonder if it is a quote of the goodness of friendships or if it leans onto sad trenches of it. I don't remember the context in the book, so I shall find it. But what do you think?

Two hours of E-mail bashing

I've spent TWO frigging hours erasing 758 emails from my inbox, AND I couldnt finish. I found articles, old stories, a porn video, threads of mailing lists, rants I send to people, emails that I send to myself to remind me of things, emails that I've sent that made me teary-eyed....

Now my inbox has 840 emails; plus the 758... that was 1598 emails in total.
Shites!

Of those 1598 I had 224 unread emails, some I have read and marked them as unread so as to come back to them... but others....

anyway, why am I telling you this? Because I wish I had taken better care of my inbox. Now, I only have 81 unread messeges that I have already read....


se me acabaron las ganas de hablar en inglés... por alguna razón las palabras no me están saliendo tan fluidas... pero ya no tengo nada más que decir eniwei...

Joel's Super Movie Review: Superbad (in english)

((Version en español aqui))

There are many movies in the theater that claim to be comedies, but in reality they are empty shells that try to keep you laughing with unwitty or silly jokes... for example: a character falling down a slope for an entire minute or two (that's from the movie Hot Rod) (not to mention that sometimes it is hard for foreigners (ergo: me) to understand these (silly) type of American comedies). A good comedy makes you laugh because the situations are so imcomprehensibly impossible that the characters have to do even more incredible things to get out of. Superbad is one of those movies, lets say: silly, or teen movies... it is one of those silly teen movies that achieves, not only in making us laugh, but also in seeing the heart of the story and the growth of the characters into real human beings.

Superbad is about two ultra-horny geeky friends who want to have sex (obviously) before graduating high school. So, as Paulo Coehlo would say: the world conspired in their favor when they get invited, by two girls, to a party to which they have to bring the alcohol for they have, supposedly, just gotten fake ID's (they're under 21). It happens that a third friend really just a fake ID, but he is even nerder than the other two and the name on his ID only says McLovin, without a last name, and well, it is pretty much impossible that will get the liquor.

The thing is that everything goes to hell with all the good sense of the expression.

And, by the way, McLovin steals the movie.

Superbad is offensive from the moment it begins. Vulgar language is present from the moment the characters first appear. But the acting is so convincing that you can find the charm in it (the foul dialog). Besides, said language is a part of the characters and part of their characterization as young guys without inhibitions whose hormones are raging out of control. But that's not all, it happens that the language brings undertones and subtext, for example: in one scene, the two friends insult each other in a rather foul manner, they try to hurt each other with unsaid truths, but the subtext of it is that the one friend resents the other because he is going to a better school and they are not going to hang out together anymore. Among other offensive moments, there is a flashback scene in which on character has an obsession for drawing erect penises, and yes, you'll see the drawings, they reminded me of the drawings on the walls of the bathrooms in elementary and high school.

One thing I found out of place was the characters of the cops. I found other reviews which pointed out that they were too over the top or cartoonish for this movie. But, really, I didn't mind them, because they were the "silly" part of the movie, and they made it run from point B to C.

Another thing that could be said comes in detriment of the movie is that it is a little too long than it should. I felt those extra minutes at mid movie, because the guys are deterred from getting to the party too many times and they reach the "emptyness" level I mentioned at the begining, especially because of the cops; but the rest of the movie is worth staying.

I cannot say much about the camera shots or the editing for two reasons: 1. because I wasn't paying attention to them shots... and 2. because, maybe, it was so well shot and edited that I didn't notice any mistake nor cinematic wonder. Although the movie does have the token slow-motion shot: when a bottle of liquor falls to the ground. Superbad is a movie taken by the hand by a nice script, by words and situations, instead of by image. And ME saying that a movie is good because of its anti-image qualities (and anti-image is not the right word, but it works for this parragraph) is a great feat to accomplish. It is like watching a great sitcom (That's 70's Show, anybody?). And it doesn't matter that the movie plants some details and then forgets about them, because they are not important, they are only used to move the story; to illustrate: the bottle that breaks, in the beginning it has much to do with what happens in the movie, but it is then forgotten.

The only moment that I noticed the use of "image" to bring a messege, was at the end of the movie, when the camera pans down on an escalator, in the most heartfelt scenes of the whole movie.

Talking about heart: even though the sex and booze prowls the whoooole movie, it does accomplish to keep our interest and to make us identify with the characters; and not only that, it also moved me: because the movie is about the hardships of the rites of passage, of leaving childhood behind, of maturing and growing up. And one of those hardships is to figure and find the love that surrounds us, or that love that was never expressed.

You have to see Superbad. I gets an A, for being funny at every other 30 seconds, for being vulgar and offensive at every other 20, and for not staying in the emptiness of comic, sexual and hormonal gratification, but for transcending the boundaries of laughter for the sake of sole laughs, and for showing a little of humanity at the precise moment: at the end, leaving us (me) with good humors.

Catastrophy: On the First night in San Francisco...

...I loose my cell phone.

So, I took a taxi with my friend's roommate, because we were going to a club, and in the middle of dancing and drinking I touched my pockets and I felt an emptiness... At first I thought it was just tje feel of my new pants, but then I realized that I was missing something: my phone.

and it makes me mad because I have never lost my phone. Never. Ever. Damn. And then I can see my dependency on technology, because with my phone I loose the numbers of my friends, which I hadn't memorized; and then it makes me feel guilty that I dont remember their numbers. I'm feel so disconnected now... even if I dont call people that much at all...

I need to find my phone in this huge city, wish me luck.

oh, and to those whose number I should remember (but I dont), please email them to me. I beg.

Five things I must do before leaving Las Vegas

• 1. Visit either The Grand Canyon or Hoover Dam (me conformo con uno).
• 2. Do some indoor sky diving (because I'm too chicken to do real sky diving).
• 3. Ride at least one of the rides on top of the Stratosphere Hotel Tower (there are four of them, and I probably only have the guts to do the one called Big Shot).
• 4. I must watch at least one of the Cirque du Soleil Shows (there are so frigging many).
• 5. And number five is: I HAVE to see Celine Dion's show.

there are some other things I should do also, I should go to a strip club, and I shall spend many nights at the (intriguingly named) ultra-lounges, what else.... i dont know, I have to keep adding things to this list.

So, yes, Vegas is hot, but it is not as hot as I thought it would be. It is as hot as Puerto Rico. The thing is that there aren't many trees to shelter oneself from the sun... And sometimes, the sun reflects on the street and sidewalks and it feels as if I was being broiled. But then again, the heat is not unbearable, surely I have had to drink a lot of water, because it does dries you up.

What else... I live in a nice apartment. I have a pool. And a view of The Strip. So I'm awesome.

Oh, And I love the M&M Store... It has four floors. What do they have in four floors? I asked the same thing. And the answer is, the same shit with different clothes.

Star Wars, Senator Palpatine flips out with Darth Vader

This clip is from [Adultswim's] Robot Chicken, a stop-animated fifteen minute weekly series of spoofs and comic little scenes that are (most of the times) sÚper hilarious. This specific sketch is SO amazingly funny that EVERYTIME I see it, I laugh. Watch carefully at the the subtle movements of the animation AND listen to the amazing dialog and enjoy the spoof:

Suicide Prevention or Golden Gate Blues

On the last hours of my last day in San Francisco I arrived to the Golden Gate Bridge. I had already seen it during the day (on previous days) but from afar, and I wanted the upclose experience. But what happened? On that last day I decided to go to as many places as I could, being the bridge the farthest landmark from my starting point, I went there last. And so, I regreted it.

When I arrived it was already dark. It was 5:30 PM or maybe 6:00, I don't remember, but it was as dark as if it were midnight. I got off the bus. I walked through the freezing breeze of the ocean, happy that I was going to BE on the Golden Gate at last, under its fade lights and red structure, only to encounter a gate that closed the entrance of the sidewalk of the bridge, branding two signs:

One said: "No pedestrians after 6:30 PM", I'm pretty sure it wasn't even six. Dang it! But then, my night wasn't all lost, for I read the other sign, right under that one that said:

"The consequences of jumping from this bridge are fatal and tragic". Uuh, duh? It was so funny that there was a sign on the entrance of the bridge that stated the obvious, then again people ignore many signs on their ways... But this one was a first for me. Then it hit me that there must have been many people that jumped over the side of the bridge for the city to post this sign. And then I remember the fog that remained during my stay in SanFran, my friend told me that it was constant (although I also enjoyed pretty clear skies, but mostly it was cold, rainy and gray). It has to have a toll on people....

Still, I thought it funny. And in the end I enjoyed the saddened/nostalgic look of the bridge in the night and up close.

((I should have just jumped onto the street! There wasn't a sign for THAT!)).

"BONES" ((Huesitos)) or the sound of The Killers

I've been putting off a post on The Killers for a looong time. And I will put it off again, because I'm only going to show you my most recently-favorite song of all time:

BONES ((Huesitos))




Cooome with meeee
(tin TIN tin tin, tin TIN tin tin, tiTIN tin tin)

We took a back road.
We're gonna look at the stars,
We took a backroad in my car,
Down to the ocean,
it’s only water and sand
And in the ocean we'll hold hands.

But I don't really like you,
apologetically dressed in the best,
but on a heartbeat glides
Without an answer,
the thunder speaks for the sky,
and on the cold, wet dirt I cryyyyyy.
And on the cold, wet dirt I cry.

Don’t you wanna come with me?
Don’t you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It's only natural.

A cinematic vision ensued
like the holiest dream.
Is someone calling?
An angel whispers my name,
but the message relayed is the saaaame:
Wait till tomorrow, you'll be fine.

But it's gone to the dogs in my mind.
I always hear them
when the dead of night
comes calling to save me from this fight.
But they can never wrong this right.

Don't you wanna come with me?
Don't you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It's only natural.
Don’t you wanna swim with me?
Don’t you wanna feel my skin
on your skin?
It's only natural.

(Never had a lover)
I never had a lover
(Never had soul)
I never had soul
(Never had a good time)
And I never had a good time
(Never got gold)
I never got gold.

Don't you wanna come with me?
Don't you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It's only natural.
Don't you wanna swim with me?
Don't you wanna feel my skin
on your skin?
It's only natural.
Don't you wanna come with me?
Don't you wanna feel my bones
on your bones?
It’s only natural.
Come and take a swim with meeeee.
Don't you wanna feel my skin
on your skin?
It’s only naturaaaaaal

I must say that the video is nice, inventive and funny, but the song is a little deeper than the video depicts, still, I wouldn't have done it differently. I think the dark movie theme, black/white and the walking skeletons is just the right mix, and, of course, Tim Burton directed it, so DUH, it HAS to be interesting.

What I like though, is the song itself, the whole church chorus at the start and then the playfulness of that synthetizer tin TIN tin tin, tin TIN tin tin. And the song goes goes goes and doesn't stop, making it almost a desperate race. I also love the fact that there are trumpets (or some wind instrument) in a song like this, fascinating. And of course, all The Killers songs have this peculiar sound of being old 80's (with echos and choirs and synthetizers), but instead of sounding tacky, they sound nostalgic, which is often good. Even though all their songs have that nostalgic, ethereal sound, they always sound different; so, in their own world-spread of music, the rythms and sounds are always different.

So Joel, what is tacky 80's? Let's define tacky first: "tastelessly showy, flashy, cheap, almost vulgar". The Killers are vulgar, and flashy, but they have some taste, like it doesn't come off as über sticky, or kitsch; because they're doing it on purpose and you can see the art, and they have taken the best qualities of the "old stuff" (I want to stop saying 80's because I fear that I may be wrong with the "movements" or the "moments" of the era) which were over the top, but not TOO much. Then, there are those who took the tacky from the 80's, Maroon 5 for example (please click this link to see what I mean). Yes, the video and the song are catchy; yes, you can dance to it; yes it looks retro; but don't you think it looks to exagerated? I mean, exageration was one of the "things" of the 80's (I keep sinning saying 8o's), but that doesn't mean that it was "cool". The faded neon blues, oranges, and pinks are all there, the upbeat rythm... I just cringe at it, I don't know why, I'll probably have to listen to it a little more to see if I like this flashy, unclimaxing song (that's another thing, it is so flat throughout). I really doubt I'll like it. I liked Maroon 5's first CD, by the way, just so you know.

Back to The Killers:
The lyrics also have the same retro-soft feel, and nostalgia to them, just read the titles of past and present songs: "When you were young", "Mr. Brightside", "All these things that I've done", "Read my mind". And of course, "Bones" isn't far behind: there is a certain tenderness about "feeling bones". How much closer can you get to someone? But it makes a counterpoint because bones, bare bones are creepy, and that's where the genius lies. But, taking it even farther, if you touch someone elses bones with your bones, wouldn't it make an awesome conection? If you touch someone else's bones with your bones it would mean that you are not put out by the horrible things the other person has, that you are confident enough to show your bones, to let them be touched by the other, it would also mean that you are rooted with him/her in a very profound level. Then, the song soothes itself saying "don't you wanna SWIM with me" "and feel my skin on your skin": water and skin, (I might be just putting more meaning to this song that it actually has, but that's the purpose of analyzing [or overanalyzing] isn't it?), so water and skin makes for a deeper connection still: water is an universal conduct, and skin is too, they are the ways into the bones.

I'm in real love with this song and all songs from this band.

((so much for putting off the post again, huh, I just couldn't stop))

[sic]

So, yes, eh, what the hell does [sic] mean? Is it some sick joke that it is alluding to? Or is it that someone was sick at the moment of writing?

it is so intriguing, tell me, I need to know.

(afterwards you'll see my face of... "oooh, but I knew ThAT!".)

Bible Fight, and Adultswim's originality

I had to write something about this game.

Cartoon Network's Adultswim's Bible Fight is a spoof of figting games AND of the bible done right. A spoof is suposed to mock its original source, but a good spoof also emulates it and kind of makes an ode of it. So, in this sense Bible Fight is done right in many aspects.

The drawn characters are like glass-windows, many straight, thick lines, bright colors that really stand out. The design of the frames are all so gothic that you cannot do anything but love it. Now, some would say this game is sacrilegious, but I would say that, given all the work needed to do such a beatiful looking game like this, you could hardly feel offended by it. I mean just look at it, specially look at the backgrounds, look at how breathtaking they are (specially the Golgotha one), so, I would say that some amount of love and dedication was given to make this unusual game. Yes, it makes you laugh at the notion of seeing Mary fight her son Jesus, but thats the beauty of it (and the joke of it). I really like this game, for it takes all the stories from the bible (which, by the way, they are JUST stories) and juggle them all together. I'm in love with it (I can't wait to UNLOCK the character of God, he should have some awesome powers). Also the music is so ethereal and great that I just turn it on to hear it in the background while I write.

Now, for a comment on Cartoon Network. Lately the original programing of Cartoon Network's Adultswim has fallen into the mediocre side of things. I don't want to think that that is the popular demand of unitedstatetians (americans are all who live in america), or that many people like it, I mean, if Aqua Teen Hunger Force (which, to me, is the biggest waste of 30 minutes in tv) could actually be made into a movie, then yes, the weird (and often stupid) shows that they come up with have some audience. But sometimes Adultswim comes up with some great ideas which makes the look like the most original guys without looking overly eager. And that is what this game is: a well thought, a carefully made product that hightens not only art, but it also has something of some kind of meaning to say, aside from entertainment factor. Another example of this is Morel Orel, which is also a comment on fanatic religion, made in stop-animation (and it is really interesting, because the protagonist of the show, always makes little stop-animation movie at the end of the episode, so its the animation of the animation, which is really cool). Also, Robot Chicken is a very good show original from Adultswim. I my mind not many of the other original shows are that great (except Ed, Edd and Eddy, and Cow and Chicken, and Dexter's Laboratory, but those are part of "Cartoon network", not "Adultswim", so they're mainly for children, although Ed, Edd and Eddy is quite a sight for adults too). Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that Adultswim has the talend and the wit to make good shows. Proof of this wit are the banners that run in between commercials, which are hilarious.

Now, for some screen shots of Bible Fight!!
Character selection: Notice the arched windows in which they are displayed. And also watch the details on Eve's leaves, on Satan's chest and Mary carying baby Jesus.
Satan and Mary begin a fight. Notice the beautiful background, those birds actually circle around the crosses.Mary dodges Satan's trident.

Mary escapes Satan's "Cerberus Charge" by teleporting with her "Immaculate deception".

Mary jumps out of the pentagran drawn by Satan after he returns from his Cerberus form.Satan charges from the air with a tridentful of fire. Notice Mary's blood. Poor girl. But why oh why is she fighting with Jesus on her arms?
Here she is laying the smackdown with her high kick. Notice the Sacred Heart that works as the time keeper and as the end of your lives/energy. In the end Satan lies defeated on the ground and Mary gravitates heavenly like the saint she is. How's that for moral?!

Go to
www.adultswim.com
and look for the Bible Fight logo to play,
you'll love it.
(This was unpaid advertising)

Joel's Movie Review: Pathfinder

Two or three months ago I was interested in watching Pathfinder, because the poster looked dark and fantastic (fantastic in its sense of fantasy, not in the sense of "awesome-ness"). As the months went by, and as I watched that poster over and over my excitement about it waned. Then I watched the trailer, and it was interesting, it promised something good (except for the cliché at the end of it, with the sword at the middle of the screen behind the title of the movie, which foreshadowed the exact opposite).

So, I went to the movies with wary hopes, and with the recomendation from someone at work. And, by the 20th minute of watching, I had already decided that it wasn't good. Nope. It wasn't.

Pathfinder starts with the massacre of native american indians by the vykings. Among the vykings there's a boy who refuses to be as brutal as his people, and doesn't want to kill an indian child. The vykings leave him in the strange land. So, we all know where this is going now, right? First, he is rejected, but then they realize his one of them, but then, as he gets older, and as his skin color is different, and as his thoughts are those of vengeange, he is not considered by the leaders as "one worthy of" some thing. But then he proves to be a real indian and whatnot. Well, that's exactly the plot here, with the only difference that here is a story about vykings, woooooh, but it wasn't enough.

Specific problems I must point out.

One:
The previously refered clichéd story. It was completely predictable. The indians died. There was another indian village. They escaped on the past of the east "because on the west there is a threat of avalanche" (there was snow there). And so, the protagonist led the vykings through the west, yada yada, you've seen movies, you know... The movie comes complete with the token scene of the hero waving his sword around, as in karate practice. But, not only was that cliché, it even looked clumsy and unpracticed...

They should have watched Kill Bill II to see how that's done properly.

Two:
The lack of dialogue in the movie, makes for little interaction between characters, AAAND the dialogue that is there is really bland. Example: after watching an hour or so of vykings killing indians relentlessly and mercilessly, there is this dialog: (Ghost is the main character, his name is Ghost because his skin is pale, compared to that of the indians).

Ghost: "They are not men, they are beasts."

And I'm like: "DUH, dude, you don't say...! Come on! I've been watching the whole movie and I KNOW they are beasts, you dumbass..."

They should have watched American Beauty for a class on dialogue.


Three:
The photography of the movie was HORRIBLE! HORRIBLE! And I'll say it again: HORRIBLE. The movie has this gray, black, white, dirty, gritty look throughout, as if the environment was ever cloudy. And believe me, I LOVE cloudy days, and I love when huge amounts of rain fall, and I love the somber tones the gray clouds give to the earth and all things living; but instead of giving the movie a sense of gothic crudeness, it seemed like a defect, as if the shots weren't good enough, so they just took all the colors away and let it be black, white, brown, grey and dark green, so that you couldn't see its flaws. If they had made the movie IN black and white, it would probably have looked better... I mean, I couldn't see anything! I wanted to shove the brightness and contrast of the screen!! Things were so dark that you couldn't see details, nor small actions, or ANY action. In a movie, eyes are important (for they are the window to ones soul), and I think the eyes of people in this movie looked plain, unexpresive and devilish (for they had no bright spots), and that is IF you can even see them. They should have left some COLOR, gosh!, I didn't even see the red of blood, even after TWO indian massacres...

There are so many movies that are gothic, or film noirs, or just plain black and white, and you can see everything: Underworld, The Number 23, Sin City. And others are just plain dark: The Others, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (best HP yet), War of the Worlds, and they are awesome movies... They should have studied them better.

Four:
There is one thing that I REALLY hate in action movies, and it is the fact that the camera shakes and shakes and shakes when people are fighthing. I think it is a cheap, unimaginative, uninteresting and stupid way of filming action. Why would any director shake the camera when the hero knocks the villain? Why? Is it TOO violent to show it directly? Or did it look so bad and stiff on the set that you HAD to move the camera so you would have more movement on the scene? Fights are one of the most sublime things in movies (for it is "the struggle of life" translated into the physical and the visual). But, my God, that camera would never stop shaking violently, it was so annoying, and, again, I couldn't see how they were fighting, it was just a big mess of people falling around and screaming.

Movies they should have learned from: Lord of the Rings (best fights ever), Fight Club, Hero, Fearless, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (these Asians are awesome).

Five:
The SENSELESS violence. I have nothing against senseless violence, but the senselessness has to have some kind of sense. Kill Bill, Lord of the Rings, any war movie, Children of Men, and Terminator 3, and Pan's Labyrinth, and more recently "300", are the epitome of violence, and still their violence had a purpose. In Kill Bill, the bride had to be violent to be taken seriously by Bill. In Lord of the Rings, they were fighting to save their land. In Children of Men, the violence was what the protagonists were trying to get away from, it was part of their environment. In Terminator 3, it was to protect the future of the world. In Pan's Labyrinth the violence was raw, detailed and painful (and because of that visibility it would make you flich) and it was done to characterize the evil spanish captain. And in "300", the violence just looked good!, but the spartans were born and raised to be brutal soldiers, so it was understandable, expected and almost obligatory.

But the violence in Pathfinder comes without mercy and without any purpose. The vykings just come horseriding, killing everyone in overlong scenes, with many kinds of weapons, in different kinds of ways: troats cut, severed heads, crucified bodies, impailed heads, smashed chests... Still, it meant nothing. They were just killing for the sake of killing. And probably that was done to make us HATE the vykings for killing the poor indians, but actually, they never made us love the indians to care much (after all, some of the indians didn't like the hero completely; so why would I care?). So that, and the fact that much of the violence was blotted out by darkness and stupid camera shakes (notice that I didn't say "camera movements") made me actually fall asleep at some point. And THAT is a sin for a movie. It shall not be pardoned.


I have to make a final comparison. Pathfinder was supposed to be what they call "a ride", by that I mean (or THEY mean) that the movie's action never stops. I could recal the "300" again, saying that THAT was a huge ride, but as fast as "300" was on the "ride" factor, no movie has come close to being a COMPLETE ride than Terminator 3. It's true that the characters had already been develped, and that is a big relief to filmmakers/storytellers, because they can concentrate on the story, but still, if Terminator 3 had been the first instalment of a franchise it would have still been a awesome movie (I think). It starts with action (protagonists are chased by a friggin construction crane!! how awesome!), it's middle is action (they escape in a funeral hearse) and the end is action, it never stops.

I think the makers of Pathfinder wanted to make something like that, because the "action" in it (notice the "" in action) doesn't stop, except that it didn't move the story forward. The difference between Terminator 3 and Pathfinder lies in their execution: in Terminator everything was bright and detailed, in Pathfinder everything was dark, shaky, grainy and even unfocused. (I haven't checked the budget for the movie, so that could be an excuse...) (although I think it was a nice budget).

So, Joel, was anything good in this movie?
Yes, Joel, actually, there was something. The costume design was awesome. The vykings looked so interesting, that I wouldn't have minded if the movie was only about THEM (except of course, if it lacked plot and photography, then it would be as bad). So, yes, costume design was great, specially the helmets with the horns and the weapons. Aside from that, Pathfinder is a no-no.

Pathfinder's grade is: F+ (the plus for costume design, of course).


Ps. I just learned that Viking is actually with an "i" instead of a "y", but vyking looked more gothic to me, so I kept it after all.

Good Friday Temptation (aka Disney)

Today I recieved an email from Disney saying that there is an opportunity to go back to work this summer (and most importantly: they will provide housing and transportation, which is, well, exactly what I would be lacking). I, uh, have been waiting for an email like this since I came back from Orlando the last time. But now, after I have made hard desicions about what to do in summer, they send this email to tempt me. Grrr. But, I can't go. I can't. I can't! I have class until mid July, and they want me in May! I can't. Can I? Oh, the temptations!

I wonder if it is just a coincidence that the Disney temptation comes on Good Friday, or if it was premeditated?

hmm.

Chronicle of the currently-refurbishing Borders bookstore

I work at Plaza las Américas (aka the Mall). Sometimes instead of going home, as every normal person would do, I go to the Borders Bookstore. I go in and out as casually as if it were my own house. The employees must know me already because I go in dressed in my uniform ("here comes that guy again") (although, I don't think I would be that interesting).

The thing is, that I went in a week (or maybe two ago) and the store was just as I remembered. I would always go to the horror section, and knew exactly where Steven Kings books were. I would go to the graphic novels section (which, was, bytheway, right next to the horror books, go figure). I would go to the literature section, and to the new releases.

But yesterday, I went in through the second floor and halfway in I notice that there are some new racks displaying the music CDs. And I was like: "uuuu, how cool, new furniture". But then, I saw the wall (where the CDs were before) and horror! They were remodeling! It wasnt that bad, really, just some empty racks, unfinished painting and broken carpets, and CSI's "danger" yellow-strips to prevent curious people going in.

So, I went down the stairs and from the top I see everything in different layout. Oh gosh. I was lost. Súper (accentedly) lost. Where was the new realease rack? Oh, there it is: a WHOLE wall now displays them. Where is Steven King? Oh, there it is: a whole rack (taller than the one before) with his books, and of other horror writers (Dean Koonts, anybody?). Where is my literature? Oh, there it is... it is actually in the same place. And the graphic novels? Two racks down the hall!!! Dang, everything is so different.

But wait! There's more! The plot thickens! There are now Hallmark cards (not Hallmark, some other brand, but you know what I mean). And the Magazines!!! The offering is two or three times what they had before!

But Joel, where does all of this fit? Well, hehe... As I am walking through the newly arranged racks of books I notice that there is something wrong. Hmm, there used to be a wall right here, next to the sex area. Wait. There USED to be a wall here!!! Oh my gosh! It's gone! It's gone! The bookstore is now endless (almost). There is an avenue, with books on each side of it, stacked high, and it makes such a great vanishing point of the converging perspective (puntos de fuga por la perspectiva), it's almost like unreal. It's like watching the far horizon while the sun sets. (So poetic, dang). Anyway, the point is that it is so hugeamongous that I was feeling a great fulfillment. Does anyone else gets this excited about a bunch of books? (Of course! Hence the fact that they expanded! Hello!). So I was like a child in a playground. But I guess it is good marketing for the store. The bigger the store, the longer people are inside, the longer people are inside, the higher the probability (risk, ssshhh) of buying some odd or nice book. Cash cash cash.

Still, Borders will see me as often as always. Possibly even more. And, anyone who likes books, and says that doesn't like the store, lies! (Well, probably not anyone). I mean, who doesn't like to play? Come on! It's just a fairground for us!

Long live the capitalistic mindset of the western countries! Hurra! Hahaha.